EVERY time I drive lakeside on Morsehead Drive, I cannot take my eyes off the ever-growing ASIO headquarters.

What a monster of a building; it’s huge.

Now, maybe I’ve watched too much “Get Smart” and those “Bourne” movies with Matt Damon, but is there anyone else who’s a little worried about our spy agency being so visible? Aren’t they supposed to be in a secret location?

Rose rang my radio program to ask where the previous ASIO headquarters was located. I didn’t know, so I made something up.

I said that ASIO’s most recent location – cleverly disguised as Checkers Food Van on Chandler Street, Belconnen – had been abandoned after their cover was blown.

We all remember Checkers. An onlooker might believe that this was just a caravan cooking up chips and gravy, bacon and egg rolls and cheesy hot dogs with lashings of barbecue sauce in the dead of night. But they’d be so wrong.

Sure, the guys in the van were trained to know how much gravy to smother on the chips and exactly how to melt cheese on a hot dog, but the cooks were really trained killers and there was a trapdoor, by the chip fryer, that lead to a tunnel straight down to the underground headquarters of ASIO. This is a true story!

They were waiting for the entry code phrase, which I can reveal right here, right now: “Can I have a hot dog, with cheese, bacon and a dollop of shaving cream please?”

Say those words at Checkers Food Van and the guy in the caravan will reply: “Would you like some wood shavings with that?”

And you have to say: “Will that cost me extra?”

He’ll say: “Nah, that’s on the house” – and then he’d open the back door for you.

I’m not sure where the ASIO HQ has moved in this interim period between now and the opening of the new building, but you can guarantee there’ll be some passwords and secret code words involved. There may even be a secret handshake.

Mark Parton is the breakfast announcer on 2CC