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Review / ‘Warcraft: The Beginning’ (M) **

Warcraft- The BeginningTHERE are perceivable ambiguities in the title of English writer/director Duncan Jones’ fantasy about conflict between the Azeroths, clean-cut intelligent good guys, and really ugly and slow-witted bad guys whose monosyllabic appellation may be spelled in different ways – orcs, auks, awks, take your pick.

The film has no water-borne warcraft. And beginning denies a history such as it depicts.

It also mirrors those futuristic outer-space civilisation-destroying Hollywood movies that have been boring our tits off for far too long. The dramatic formula is familiar. Only the costumes and props are different. And the threat of sequels is a bit scary!

After the ebb and flow of battle, the denouement is unresolved. Will peace be attainable in the lifetimes of the film’s combatants? (The same question confronted Neville Chamberlain on September 30, 1938. After six years of dreadful real-life war, the answer didn’t last long.)

The film’s designers make the handsome Azeroths look dignified in their armour, while the brutal, over-sized awks wear decorative stuff crafted from skins, bones, teeth, animal horn and fallen wood. Imagination boggles at wondering how orcs copulate – so many harsh found objects getting in the way. And modesty was already a factor in those distant times – the female orcs all wear bras and knickers!

It’s reported that the genesis of “Warcraft: The Beginning” is an online game performed by live actors. None of the film’s players gives any notable kind of performance. But I did take pleasure from the Azeroth air force – gryphons, big, beautiful, versatile – and the giant dogs that carried auks into battle.

It’s not all bad. But its 123 minutes are burdensome.

At Hoyts, Palace Electric, Dendy and Limelight

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Dougal Macdonald

Dougal Macdonald

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One Response to Review / ‘Warcraft: The Beginning’ (M) **

Ben Garfath says: 17 June 2016 at 1:56 pm

Dougal, Dougal, Dougal, where do I start?

1.
A. Orcs = correct spelling.
B. Auks = an ocean-going bird, typically found in the northern North Atlantic ocean.
C. ‘awks’ = a (fairly) recent abbreviation of ‘awkward’.

2. ‘Warcraft’ = the craft (or skill) of conducting warfare.

3. You’re bored by action movies? Ask someone else to review them.

4. A diplomacy lesson? Thanks. Try this one: “War. War never changes.”

5. Who cares how future orcs are conceived? People with small minds.

6. “It’s reported that the genesis of “Warcraft: The Beginning” is an online game performed by live actors.” Really? Good research, that man! (nb. this line to be delivered with overt sarcasm).

I’m glad, Dougal, that you enjoyed the something about this movie. Sadly though, it was not made for you.
A reviewer should, surely, be more objective?

Sincerely,
Ben Garfath.

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