THERE’S nothing quite like the joy of being handed the keys to your own house. 

You leave the solicitor’s office, often having committed yourself to a debt with more zeros on it than you’ve ever seen in your life.

The thought: “One day, all this will be mine, not the bank’s” may have crossed our minds, but any trepidation was immediately overcome by finding the right key, opening the front door and walking into the sight of the cleanest carpets we’d ever seen and the lingering smell of freshly dried paint.

Then the fun began…

“Hello, I’d like to get the internet and a phone connected.”

“Okay, sir, let me check the address for you. Just a moment… ah, yes, I’m sorry, your place is listed as not serviced by us. You’ll have to speak to the NBN Co.”

Moments later…

“Hi, I’d like to know when you’ll be switching the NBN on at my new place.”

“Thank you, Mr Coleman, at present, your residence doesn’t exist.”

“Really? Can you tell me what I’ve just arranged hundreds of thousands of dollars of finance for? And where my furniture is about to be moved to? And where there is one of the NBN boxes installed in the garage?”

“Um… Just a moment, Mr Coleman.”

Eventually, after they stopped debating the actual existence of my house, I was informed that connection could indeed be arranged. Probably in a few weeks. Once the development had been connected to the NBN.

A call to NBN Co on the “expected date” revealed that there is now massive confusion between them and the developer so the connection was back “on hold”. I’m still waiting to find out what that actually means, but I doubt it’ll be a good result.

Utility connections were also interesting. We signed up for one of those “we’ll-do-it-for-you” mobs. Yes, they got the electricity on, with our previous supplier, but to maintain our previous discount required calling them ourselves anyway. Gas? Yeah, it was easier to make the call ourselves. Pay TV? It’s not exactly heartening when the installation guy walks in, takes one look, mutters the word “impossible”, and disappears back to his van for 20 minutes.

Go out for dinner and get an Uber home? Yep. Great. Their mapping software has decided our place is on the other side of the street. And more than a kilometre down the road. In the next suburb.

With 5000 people choosing to move to Canberra every year, not to mention the number of people moving out from their parents’ place as they get old enough to, surely there has to be enough corporate knowledge gleaned from their experiences to make it easier. And if there isn’t there should be.

The lessons to be learned? If you’re moving into a newly-built place, ask questions. Ask the obvious question during construction. Ask lots of questions as the builders finish up. Get the answers in writing wherever you can. It’s too late for me, but hopefully it’ll save you some time.

Chris Coleman is the drive announcer on 2CC.