I LIVE in Braddon. I don’t drive so, sadly, need to use buses. For most of my life I’ve been happy to use them.  

For some time we’ve been told the new bus-route timetable would be available late March, then sometime in April.  

So I pop into the Civic Transport Canberra office.

I was shocked to see staff there – normally they hide out the back. I ask when timetables will be there. They point to their trolley and say 10 minutes, but I need to catch my bus so I leave.

I go back the next day, expecting to see a rack of timetables – nothing and, of course, no staff to ask. So I go behind the counter, nothing there either. So I go to the phone to ring the 131710 number – “Where are timetables?”

Someone appears from the back room and what follows is truly either a Faustian conversation or at least worthy of John Cleese.

Staff member: Can I help?

Me: I’m looking for timetables.

They’re out the back. If we put them out the front, they disappear.

Of course, people who use buses take timetables.

Which route?

I’d like three copies of Civic, Belconnen and Woden [one each for me and two neighbours].

I can only give you one copy.

What about my elderly friends?

They have to get their own

I’ll have one each of Civic, Belconnen and Woden routes.

No. When I say you can have one, I mean one book.

This is madness. When was it decided timetables would be rarer than hen’s teeth and as elusive as gold?