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Canberra Today 12°/16° | Saturday, March 30, 2024 | Digital Edition | Crossword & Sudoku

A word from Will: Never squat with your spurs on! 

Will Rogers in 1922… “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”

Columnist CLIVE WILLIAMS shares his admiration for the cowboy philosopher Will Rogers…

I HAVE long-admired American Will Rogers for his homespun and sage observations. Some seem obvious, such as: “Never squat with your spurs on”. 

Columnist Clive Williams.

Will Rogers cultivated a cowboy philosopher image and was in fact part Cherokee Indian. Rogers quipped that his ancestors did not come over on the “Mayflower”, but they “met on the boat”. (His mother was one quarter-Cherokee.) 

Rogers was much more than just a cowboy. He was also a stage and film actor, vaudeville performer, humourist, newspaper columnist and social commentator. He also fought politically for greater Cherokee recognition and Indian rights. 

He came to Australia in 1903 where he performed as a rider and trick roper at the Wirth Brothers Circus. He returned to the US in 1904. 

In America, his aphorisms, couched in humorous terms, were widely quoted. He once observed: “I am not a member of an organised political party; I am a Democrat.” 

Commonsense observations… 

  • Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
  • Never kick a cow chip [pat] on a hot day.
  • There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
  • Will Rogers… came to Australia in 1903 where he performed as a rider and trick roper at the Wirth Brothers Circus.

    Never miss a good chance to shut up.

  • Always drink upstream from the herd.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
  • There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 
  • Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there. 
  • Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
  • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: “When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.”

On growing older…

  • Eventually you’ll reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  • The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
  • Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
  • When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.
  • You know you’re getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
  • I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
  • One of the many things no-one tells you about ageing is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
  • One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
  • Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
  • And, finally: “Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.”
Rogers on the wing of a seaplane belonging to famed aviation pioneer Wiley Post, hours before their fatal crash on August 15, 1935.

Most of Rogers’ observations are timeless, but he never got to experience being really old. He died aged 55 with aviator Wiley Post when their small aircraft crashed in Alaska in 1935. 

Clive Williams is a Canberra columnist.

 

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