We face disruption across our city like never before, but the Disruption Taskforce is all over it. The question is: are they for it or against it? Here’s another “Seven Days” with IAN MEIKLE.

SOMEWHERE on London Circuit: A meeting is called to order. “Guys, guys, the Chief is very worried and we have to find the solution.”

“What? To the Budget deficit?” asks an incredulous voice from the back.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sally. Nor the hospital, nor planning, nor the bloody prison; no he’s having conniptions about Shane’s tram and the unprecedented shambles ahead for months, correction make that years, as we drag the thing over the lake.

“And we’re all here because good crisis management suggests we have to confront the problem, say it’s going to be shit and let the poor bastards on the southside work it out.”

“But where do we start? Ah, yes, create a taskforce. Good suggestion, Malcolm. Who doesn’t love a good taskforce? But it needs a name.

“No, Ben, not the Tram for a Better Canberra Taskforce. Nor the Tram to Woden or Bust Taskforce, Sally; we’re already bust.

“Something simple. Umm, yes, Ben? That’s it! The Disruption Taskforce. The Chief’s gonna love it! Meeting closed.” 

Is it me? There’s a sense of complete hopelessness about some faceless entity, comfortingly composed of “representatives across the ACT government”, called the Disruption Taskforce, as if its raison d’etre is to provide disruption rather than solve it. 

This past week our latest quango published its December “update” that began with this unsigned revelation: “The construction of light rail to Woden – together with the concurrent delivery of other major public and private infrastructure projects – will change how Canberrans will access our city centre for years to come.”

They’ve got that right when you look at the chaos that lies ahead that, to their credit, they have helpfully outlined in a couple of diagrams, the more interesting being the shocking traffic mess caused by choking Commonwealth Avenue, which carries an estimated 55,000 cars a day. 

The construction of the tram line and simultaneous refurbishment of Commonwealth Avenue Bridge is going to reduce the traffic flow by a road-raging 80 per cent, sending city-bound traffic rat-running all over the place. 

In the face of congested roads, the initial mitigation strategy from our “representatives across the ACT government” appears to be encouraging hitherto motoring commuters to mount e-scooters, ride a bike or get the bus. 

Given the construction disruption starts in earnest mid next year, two wheels are going to be character-buildingly cold ways to wobble off to work. I’m thinking maybe Disruption Taskforce is totally the right name. 

And it will finish, when? The next election is 2024 in time for the grateful southerners to say thank you to our Beloved Leader via the ballot box. 

“HE love-bombed me for the first three months,” unknown (to me) Instagram model Chiara Passari has said about former boyfriend and globally known Canberra tennis ace Nick Kyrgios.

Blissfully ignorant, I thought how romantic. Until I looked up the definition of “love bombing”: “​​Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection,” says Wikipedia.

“It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it.” Ouch! 

While “CityNews” makes no inferences as to Mr Kyrgios’ character or behaviour, the aggrieved Ms Passari didn’t hold back, telling the “Daily Telegraph” their relationship was “toxic” and describing him as being “manipulative” and that he was searching for things in their relationship “to use against me”.

Kyrgios and Passari began dating in July last year only to break up after an argument in October that saw police visit their hotel in Adelaide.

Passari had accused Kyrgios of cheating in a post on Instagram. She reportedly shared a photo that appeared to show him in bed with a “naked girl”. Kyrgios, at the time, denied the cheating claim.

But this is where you raise an eyebrow: Passari is reported as saying her openness about the relationship “is not for attention, it’s for awareness”.

“Why would I want to have attention on me from a story that makes me look weak and walked all over as I kept forgiving him and going back. It’s not for attention, it’s for awareness,” she told the “Tele”. 

All quiet from the Kyrgios camp. He is reported to have moved on with Sydney-based blogger Costeen Hatzi. Hell hath no fury… 

HERE’S the spirit of Christmas: someone with the unlikely name of Walton Holcomb, from a UK website called The Dozy Owl, in proffering tips for parents concerned with children getting enough sleep to fully enjoy Christmas offers this cruelty: “Wake them up early on Christmas Eve… this allows you more time to tire them out during the day and, seeing as they will likely wake up early on Christmas Day, it will give them more sleep ahead of the big day.” Good luck with that.

AND finally, a filched joke from popbitch.com:

Q: How do you know if someone owns a Tesla?

A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

Ian Meikle is the editor of “CityNews” and can be heard on the “CityNews Sunday Roast” news and interview program, 2CC, 9am-noon.