I’M excited by the predicament of Canberra’s striped legless lizard. Excited, because I see a way out of the economic mire that we’re about to find ourselves in, courtesy of the billion-dollar toy train set.

This is the deal: ACT Labor has staked its political life on the tramline from Civic to Gungahlin. Although there are those within the party who now see the folly in this ridiculously expensive infrastructure extravaganza they’re very much committed. Backing out would be embarrrassing. And then there’s the power-sharing agreement with Shane Rattenbury, which has the train set as its centrepiece.

The natives are getting restless over the light rail and you can smell revolution in the air. Despite this, the new Chief Minister has declared nervously that he’s bolted on to the idea as much as his predecessor.

He admits to “being a sceptic in the early days” in the way that 10-year-old boys will sometimes admit that they were once scared of the dark. Andrew Barr has told me that there’s no chance of him backing out of this any time soon.

So, what’s the striped legless lizard got to do with it?

Well, this hapless lizard is the endangered one, because Canberra’s kangaroos are over grazing on the grasslands. ANU researcher Brett Howland has said that large kangaroo numbers could destroy the grassland habitats of lizards.

It got me thinking that the answer to all of our problems is to find an endangered species that could well be threatened by the construction of the light rail line.

Andy and Ratters can save the day by abandoning the light rail project to save whichever creature is under threat. Everyone’s a winner.

All we have to do is find the right endangered species.

I’ve been doing some exhaustive research and I’ve uncovered five local species that are in danger of extinction:

1. The six-legged Huntsman spider – this guy’s not very good at getting out of the way of whatever got him the first time. If  we can find enough of them along Northbourne Avenue, they could be the answer.
2. The straggly haired window washer – there’s no questioning that Northbourne Avenue is their natural habitat. Who knows how this endangered species will cope with the disruption of tram line construction.
3. The Right-Leaning Independent – it’s been a while since one of them has been seen in the wild, not since the days of Dave Rugendyke and Paul Osborne. Chic Henry very nearly emerged from their cave in 2012, but it seems that the right-leaning independent now only exists in radio captivity in Canberra.
4. The Public Phone Box – this species hasn’t adapted well to the 21st century and you must trek far and wide to see them at all in the suburbs. Even tougher to find one that works.
5. The Local Shops’ Video Store – their decline has been well documented. How on earth we pin their survival to scuttling the tram line is beyond me, but I’m willing to try anything!