TOO many people are losing their lives in so-called “crimes of passion” and too many others are being crushed by ongoing abuse.

I spoke to the Victims of Crime commissioner, John Hinchey, in the days after mother-of-three Tara Costigan’s death in Calwell. He was unwilling to speculate on details of that particular incident as the matter is before the courts, but we had a much broader discussion about domestic violence and domestic orders.

When individuals find themselves in a violent or abusive relationship, it’s always difficult to extricate themselves from it, particularly if there are children involved.

The toughest thing, according to John, is drawing the line in the sand and saying: “It’s over… I cannot do it anymore”.

Often the abusive partner cannot be reasoned with and the thing that’s likely to get the most extreme reaction is leaving.

These thoughts are echoed by Kylie Travers, the anti violence and homeless advocate. I heard her speak at the Vinnie’s Community Sleep Out late last year. She spoke of the great danger in staying in an abusive relationship, but also of the flashpoint danger that can arise when you leave.

John Hinchey told me that sometimes seeking orders against an abusive partner can be the single event that turns up the “crazy dial”. He suggests establishing a safety plan to work hand-in-hand with securing violence orders.

It strikes me that in many cases this would be so difficult. Presumably it means that if you take out a domestic violence order against a partner or ex-partner, you must then vacate your home for a “safe house”. For some individuals this wouldn’t be possible. For others, it would deter them from making the break.

I think the national focus on domestic violence must provide a system that provides much more practical, no-cost “safe house” accommodation for women who are breaking away from violent relationships.

I’d sooner be spending national money on that sort of practical help than on another advertising campaign.