THE election race turned nasty as Peter Dutton came zooming through the pack with oil and muck squirting from his old white Australian jalopy spreading its smelly load across the track.

PM Malcolm Turnbull fought his controls briefly before allowing his Mercedes to be dragged along by the Dutton slipstream.

Bill Shorten in his souped-up Mini had been happily following Dutton before the eruption. But when he swerved to an inside lane he clipped one of his own team, David Feeney who was changing down to one of his previously undeclared negative gears. And a Lib named Sufi dropped out of the race after blowing his horn and shouting: “Same sex marriage will lead to polygamy!”

By week’s end the spectators were not happy. “Where’s the showers?” they cried. “Who wants to be tarred with the same brush as this mob.” And so it goes…

THE arts community realised belatedly that the reviled 2014 Hockey-Abbott Budget had not only defunded 65 national arts companies but had cut grants to artists and writers by a massive 70 per cent. And to their shock and dismay, their much preferred PM had declined to restore them. Word has it they are wondering when, if ever, the “real” Malcolm will stand up and be counted.

HOWEVER, there were some self-satisfied smiles when the bovver boys of the Border Force were revealed as tainted by corrupt insiders among their NSW Customs Examination Facility. State police have linked them to illegal drug and tobacco imports… yet another casualty in the combat zone of the war on drugs.

THE five-bearded-men-in-a-boat saga also provoked a chuckle from Border Force observers. The Islamist clowns had towed their tinny from Melbourne to Cooktown from whence to cross the Arafura Sea to Indonesia and somehow to Syria to be cannon fodder for ISIS.

The good old Border Force saved them! And now they want the Aussie taxpayer to keep them tucked up in jail for the rest of their sad, benighted lives. Nice work, chaps.

THE AFP, not to be outdone, did their own “Monty Python” impersonation with a raid on the office of Labor’s Stephen Conroy and the home of a staffer. And in an election campaign! As though anyone gives a toss who leaked stuff about the NBN. Both sides seem to have made a hash of it.

HAPPILY, we could switch over to “Masterchef”, which is getting very emotional this year. When Indian-born Nidhi paid her respect by touching the judges’ feet before departing there was hardly a dry eye in the house.

THEN there was the Eurovision Song Contest, which has never rated highly among our viewing favourites. But who could resist the wonderful celebration of Australia’s multicultural success when the gorgeous Korean-Australian Queenslander, Dami Im, hit that magnificent high note that won her the runner-up spot in only our second appearance. Will they be game to invite us back next year? Not likely.

WHAT a wonderful monument Romaldo Giurgola left behind when he died last week and was eulogised in the “New York Times”. The “new” Parliament House is one of the country’s finest architectural achievements.

Now, if only its inhabitants could live up to the standard it set…

robert@robertmacklin.com