Wine writer RICHARD CALVER ponders the lot of Ukrainian wine makers: “They are cultivating the vines while under missile attack. Extraordinary. So far removed from our normality. Pruning and dodging incoming, just wild.”  

We are sitting in the less-than-salubrious Badger bar at the Australian National University after a workout at the campus gym. 

I have a bottle of water and a glass of 2022 Clonakilla shiraz ($10.50) in front of me. My mate is drinking a Heaps Normal non-alcoholic beer ($8.50). 

The Clonakilla will undoubtedly get better with age because it is already well rounded and a very pleasant drink. It’s not what I’d expect in a student bar. 

“How’s it been going?” my mate asks. 

“Well, as you know, I’ve published my quirky book Blinded – available on Amazon Kindle – and this is the second time this week I’ve been to the gym.”

“Good on you.”

“Yes, but the last time it made me feel old, not just because of the exercise or the after effects. The young woman behind the service counter asked me about the slogan on my T-shirt. It’s a quote by Ringo Starr: ‘I Love Beethoven, especially his poems’. 

“I had to explain to her that he was a famous Beatle and that the comment is ironic because Beethoven never wrote poetry. It’s supposed to show Ringo as ignorant and endearing at the same time and I disliked having to explain the humour.”

“She’d never heard of the Beatles?”

“Apparently not. I was incredulous.” 

“We’re growing old, mate.”

“Yes, and it was the second round of incredulity this week.”

“How so?” 

“Well, I get this email newsletter called Daily Wine News and there was an article about how brave Ukrainian winemakers were getting into new markets including having a stand at a wine show in Dusseldorf where 17 wineries from Ukraine were taking part. 

“The article says that they are cultivating the vines while under missile attack. Extraordinary. So far removed from our normality. Pruning and dodging incoming, just wild.” 

“I didn’t even know that Ukraine made wine,” my mate said. 

“No, well, I suppose it’s not a renowned wine here in Australia. I believe that most of the vineyards are in the south. 

“And the article is quite interesting because it mentions that Ukrainian winemakers haven’t been exporting their wines to Russia since 2014, which was apparently the dominant market for Ukrainian wines and spirits. 

“The article also mentions a red variety that I’d like to taste, the Odesa Black, described as ‘powerful’. It would be good to see how it compares with our reds. The message of the article was positive though, mostly about how the country is expanding its exports in Europe.” 

“Yes, well it would be good to support the country by buying some of their wine. Do you know of any outlets?”

“I agree. I went on to the Dan Murphy website and searched ‘Ukraine’. I got a hit on four spirits, I think all vodka, but no wine. I’ve not tried beyond that original search but I think you’re spot on with the thought. We need to support Ukraine in every way we can.”

“Cheers to that.” 

“Thanks, mate. And buy my book will you please. It’s only $US8.”

“You’re not Ukrainian.” 

“Oh yes,” I said, “we all are.” 

Meanwhile: A German walks into a bar and orders a glass of Ukrainian wine.

The bartender tells him : “20 euros!”

The German is shocked – “20 euros? Yesterday it was only three euros!”

“Well, today it is 20 euros.”

“But why 20?”

Bar tender : “I’ll explain it,

3 euros is for the wine.

3 to directly help Ukraine,

4 assistance to European countries who have imposed sanctions and are not members of the EU.

4 euros in aid to the UK, for successful implementation of sanctions against Russia.

Then 3 euros are sent to the Balkan countries as aid to buy furnace coal. Finally, 3 euros for a gas subsidy for the EU and fund to help maintain sanctions”

The German silently took out the money and gave the bartender 20 euros.

The bartender entered the cash register and gave him three euros back. German in disbelief : “Wait, you said 20 euros, right ? I gave you 20, why are you giving me back three euros?”

“Ahh… We have no Ukrainian wine.”