Whimsy columnist CLIVE WILLIAMS got predictable responses when he researched an article on what gave people pleasure, so he changed his question and asked what people found annoying. Here they come again… 

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. –Oscar Wilde

For those who came in late, in my last Whimsy column I looked at what annoyed or irritated people most in the areas of driving and phone and internet. 

As I had too much contributed material for one column this is the balance – looking at social and behavioural habits that grate.

Social and behavioural

• People who say “haitch” instead of “aitch” for “h”. (Possibly “haitchers” are annoyed by “aitchers”, too.)
• Exercisers who don’t wipe down gym equipment after use.
• Readers who leave the newspaper inside out or remove parts of it before others have read it.
• Diners who eat with their mouths open and pick their teeth with their fingers.
• People who don’t pick up their dog’s poo – or do pick it up, then leave the poo bag.
• Joggers who run with their dog on a lead, leaving a trail of dog poo behind them.
• Litterers in general – particularly when bins are nearby.
• Residents at units who don’t sort their rubbish and recycling into the right bins.
• Toilet rolls that face inwards and toilet seats left up.
• Drinkers who disappear when it’s their shout, and fellow diners who don’t offer to contribute to a meal bill.
• Incessant dog barking, particularly when it comes from neighbouring properties.
• Queue jumpers in general.
• Cheating in sport – as by Steve Smith, David Warner, Lance Armstrong, Ben Johnson, Diego Maradona etcetera.
• Poor sportsmanship eg, Greg Chappell and the 1981 underarm bowling incident.
• People who wear reflective sunglasses when talking to you; ACT police officers being prime offenders.
• Sportspeople playing doubles who touch or embrace after every point (beach volleyballers seem to be the worst offenders).
• Hypocritical “Acknowledgement of Country” tokenism of the kind: “I’d like to begin today by acknowledging the traditional owners of the land on which we meet …” (The land usually having been “developed” and inaccessible to the traditional owners.)
• Radio DJs who prefer to listen to themselves talking and play too little music.
• Inconsiderate people who don’t clean up after themselves.
• Excessive and repetitive advertising on TV, radio, and on paid-for TV streaming services.
• Corporate euphemisms – as with “staff”, commonly referred to now as “store colleagues”, “team members” etcetera. 
• People who “reach out” to have a “conversation” (ie, make contact for a discussion).
• Receptionists who ask, “What was your name?”
• Poker machines – for their irritating noise, garish appearance, and impact on vulnerable people.
• Wokeism – particularly the amending of old books and removal of statues to cater for the “sensitivities” of a modern audience.
• Failure to call out those who exploit gender for their own purposes and the use of gender suffixes (him/her/they). Similarly for children who claim to identify as animals or celebrities.
• Horse and dog racing – for its cruelty to animals.
• Fluctuating petrol prices, particularly when they peak during holiday periods.
• Flies and mossies.
• Compulsory service charges, irrespective of the standard of service.
• Excessive cover charges for BYO wine per bottle.
• Inconsistent airport security-screening practices, including the questionable need for belt removal.
• Aircraft passengers who fill the overhead lockers with oversize carry-on bags and cases.
• Sale prices ending in 9 eg, $4999.99 instead of $5000.
• Obese people who overflow into adjoining aircraft and theatre seats.
• Tradespeople who give you a four-hour (or more) window for arrival.
• Nose rings that look like nasal drips.
• Manic gum chewing, as by Marnus Labuschagne and Sir Alex Ferguson (who is estimated to have gone through at least 3000 packets of chewing gum while managing Manchester United). 
• Misuse of the term “antisemitism” for political purposes.
• “Influencers” for their negative influence on teens and tween-agers.

It seems there’s much in the modern world that people find annoying!

On a lighter note: Bob lived on a property with his dad, but there was no internal toilet, just an outhouse. 

Bob wanted to have his girlfriend visit but was embarrassed about the outside toilet with its resident redbacks. He’d pressed his frugal father to have an internal toilet built, but to no avail. 

Bob decided to take matters into his own hands, and that night crept out and set fire to the outhouse. In the morning his grim-faced father asked if he was responsible and reminded him about George Washington admitting to cutting down the cherry tree. So, Bob owned up. 

“Right Bob” his dad said, “you can build a replacement”. 

“That’s not fair,” said Bob, “George Washington wasn’t punished when he owned up.” 

“Maybe not,” said his dad “but his father wasn’t in the cherry tree when he chopped it down”. (Incidentally, the George Washington cherry tree story is a myth.)

Clive Williams is a Canberra columnist.

Driving and technology and the things that annoy