“I never forget a face — but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” –Groucho Marx

Concerned about Whimsy columnist CLIVE WILLIAMS’ mental state, a friend sent him some statistics, along with a mental health check. But it didn’t stop there…

A friend, obviously concerned about my mental state, sent me some statistics, along with a mental health check, as follows:

First the human statistics – with Earth’s population placed in perspective. 

The population of Earth is around 7.8 billion. For most people, it’s an obscure figure. However, if you condense 7.8 billion into 100 persons, and then into various percentage statistics, the resulting analysis is much easier to comprehend. 

Out of 100:

• 11 are in Europe; 5 are in North America; 9 are in South America; 15 are in Africa; 60 are in Asia; 49 live in the countryside; 51 live in a city; 

• 75 have mobile phones – 25 do not; 30 have internet access – 70 do not; 83 can read – 17 are illiterate; 

• 33 are Christians; 22 are Muslims; 14 are Hindus; 7 are Buddhists; 12 are other religions; 12 have no religious beliefs.

• 26 live less than 14 years; 66 died between 15 and 64 years of age; 8 are over 65 years old.

If you have your own home, eat full meals and drink clean water, have a mobile phone, can surf the internet and have gone to college, you are in the minuscule privileged lot (less than 7 per cent category).

Amongst 100 persons in the world, only eight live to or exceed the age of 65! If you are over 65 years old, be content and grateful. Cherish life. Grasp the moment. If you did not leave this world before the age of 64, like the 92 persons who have gone before you, you are already the blessed amongst humankind. Take good care of your health. Cherish every remaining moment.

If you think you are suffering memory loss, read on.

In the following analysis, Bruno Dubois, professor of neurology at Pierre et Marie Curie University and Director of the Institute for Memory and Alzheimer’s Disease (IM2A) at the Pitié-Salpêtrière Hospital in Paris addresses the subject in a rather reassuring way: “If anyone is aware of their memory problems, they do not have Alzheimer’s.”

It often happens in people 60 years and older that they complain they lack memory: “The information is always in the brain, it is the ‘processor’ that is lacking.” This is “anosognosia” or temporary forgetfulness. Half of people 60 and older have some symptoms that are due to age rather than disease. The most common cases are:

• • forgetting the name of a person,

• going to a room in the house and not remembering why they were going there,

• a blank memory for a movie title or actor, or actress,

• wasting time searching where they left glasses or keys.

After 60 years, most people have such a difficulty, which indicates that it is not a disease but rather a characteristic due to the passage of years. Many people are concerned about these oversights, hence the importance of the following statements:

1. “Those who are conscious of being forgetful have no serious problem of memory.”
2. “Those who suffer from a memory illness or Alzheimer’s are not aware of what is happening.”

Professor Dubois reassures the majority of people concerned about their oversights: “The more we complain about memory loss, the less likely we are to suffer from memory sickness.”

Now for a little neurological test:

Only use your eyes!

1. Find the C in the table below:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2. If you found the C, then find the 6 in this table:

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3. Now find the N in the table below. Attention, it’s a little more

difficult!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

If you pass these three tests without problem:

• you can cancel your annual visit to the neurologist.

• your brain is in perfect shape!

• you are far from having any relationship with Alzheimer’s.

There you have my friend’s missive but, as one does, I asked my friendly neighbourhood AI Bot to assess the above claims for me. It responded as follows:

1. Population Statistics: The data presented about the distribution of the world’s population is approximately accurate:

• 11 per cent  in Europe

•  5 per cent  in North America

•  9 per cent  in South America

•  15 per cent  in Africa

•  60 per cent  in Asia

These figures align reasonably well with current global demographic data.

2. Urban vs. Rural Population: The claim that 49 per cent  live in the countryside and 51 per cent  in cities is outdated. According to recent UN data, more than 55 per cent of the global population now lives in urban areas.
3. Mobile Phone and Internet Access:

• • The claim that 75 per cent  have mobile phones is close to current estimates, which suggest over 70 per cent  of the global population uses mobile phones.

•  The statement that only 30 per cent  have internet access is an underestimate. Current statistics indicate that around 60 per cent  of the global population has internet access.

4. Literacy Rates: The assertion that 83 per cent can read and 17 per cent  are illiterate is close to accurate, as UNESCO reports a global literacy rate of around 86 per cent .
5. Religious Affiliation: The provided religious breakdown roughly matches global estimates but can vary slightly depending on the source.
6. Age Distribution:

•  The statement about 26 per cent  living less than 14 years and only 8 per cent being over 65 years old isn’t entirely accurate. According to the World Bank, the global population under 14 is around 26 per cent, but those over 65 make up about 9 per cent, not just 8 per cent .

•  The claim that 66 per cent die between 15 and 64 years isn’t specific and needs more context, as life expectancy varies widely across countries.

7. Economic Privilege: The mention of being in the top 7 per cent  if you have a home, full meals, clean water, a mobile phone, internet access, and college education is somewhat accurate. These are indicators of relative economic privilege globally.
8. Anosognosia and Memory Loss:

• The term “anosognosia” refers to a lack of awareness or denial of a neurological deficit, often seen in conditions such as stroke or Alzheimer’s disease. The text correctly uses it in this context but generalises it to mean temporary forgetfulness, which is not accurate.

•  The reassurance about memory issues from Professor Bruno Dubois is sensible advice, though it oversimplifies the complexities of memory disorders. Being aware of memory lapses can indeed be a sign of normal ageing rather than Alzheimer’s, but it is not a definitive diagnostic criterion.

9. Neurological Test: The tests (finding the C, 6, and N) are simple visual exercises that can be reassuring, but are not conclusive indicators of cognitive health. They shouldn’t replace medical advice or evaluations.

The Bot’s Conclusion: “The text provides a mix of accurate data and some inaccuracies or oversimplifications. It’s important to verify such statistics with current and reliable sources. While the general message is positive and aims to provide reassurance, it should be read with a critical eye, especially regarding demographic and medical claims.”

On a lighter note

• A priest, vicar and rabbit go to a blood bank where the nurse asks them if they remember their blood types. “Well,” says the rabbit, “I think I’m a typo.”
• Fred applies to an estate agent for an advertised handyman position. The interviewer asks” “Are you a painter?” Fred: “I’m no good with brushes.” “Are you able to do ladder work?” Fred: “I don’t like heights.” Well, says the exasperated interviewer: “What part of handy is relevant to you?” Fred: “I live just around the corner.” 
• A similar ending relates to a Dublin building site where Paddy up a ladder gets dizzy and is in danger of falling off. The foreman, concerned about legal claims if Paddy gets hurt, calls him down and says: “You seem unwell. Take a break. Do you have vertigo? To which Paddy replies: “To be sure I don’t, mum’s place is just around the corner.”

Clive Williams is a Canberra columnist