“There could be a silver lining though to the dark grey nimbus forming. The mass migration of one section of society may enhance the comfort of another,” writes Seven Days columnist MIKE WELSH
I REMEMBER the many stories from family and friends saying that you absolutely won’t have any privacy in the bathroom once you have kids. Never has a truer word been spoken.
I don’t think l know anyone who would get an uninterrupted minute to themselves on the toilet having young kids in the house.
It all starts with multi-tasking and having the toilet door open to keep an eye on a wandering toddler.
Then comes the toilet training, with the potty on standby, while sitting there yourself when the door barges open to a desperate little face busting to be on the adjacent potty.
Then having them manage the toilet-paper distribution, where they ration you to two pieces or, worse still, hand over half a crunched up, unwound roll leaving you to try to roll it back on with the toilet door wide open.
Why is it, when nature calls and you think surely the kids can do without you, the kids start yelling for you?
I start by staying quiet, then it’s like the world needs saving and things get louder with: “Dad! Dad! Where are you?”
Ignoring them is a losing battle, so you reply with an “l am in here!”
Kids seem to know exactly where “in here” is and the toilet door bangs open and the urgency of joining pieces of Lego together becomes apparent.
More often than not, it’s kids barging in all upset and wanting you to mediate a sibling disagreement while you’re confined to the loo. They seem to know that you can’t physically move and, believe me, having to try and mete out punishment to fighting children is hard work from this position.
Tell you what, though, if you ever have trouble looking for your kids, head off to the toilet; it won’t be long and they’ll soon find you!