Oh, look, it’s the ‘naked house’ family!

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Illustration: Karl Speller

“We have tried to name all body parts correctly and seriously with the children but my daughter still thinks that ‘willies’ are hilarious,” writes “Mummy” columnist KATE MEIKLE.   

I WILL never live down the embarrassment of my husband telling other parents at a kids’ party recently that we are a “naked house”. 

My cheeks are burning as I write this!  

Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but it’s just not the vibe I want to portray to others, especially new acquaintances who know very little else about us. Especially when I really doubt that we even qualify for living in a naked house! 

“Oh look, there’s the Andersons…. the ‘naked house’ family,” I imagine would be the whispers at school drop off.   

What you might ask, prompted my husband to declare our house a naked one? 

Our newly minted four-year-old daughter is very interested in human anatomy and bodily functions. Toilet talk is oh-so-funny! 

We modern parents have been told by the experts to name all body parts correctly from day dot, answer truthfully and age-appropriately any questions the children might have and instill in them body autonomy and positivity. 

Big stuff for us parents to get right, but very important for children to have a clear sense that their body is their own, especially for protection reasons. Heaven forbid, but it’s a big concern. 

We have tried to name all body parts correctly and seriously with the children but my daughter still thinks that “willies” are hilarious. 

Recently, she met a boy called William at holiday school. 

“His name is William, mummy. You know, like ‘Willy-am’!” she precociously tittered and giggled.   

Oh dear, chalk it up to another parent fail, as I stifled a giggle myself. Perhaps I am just as bad as my four-year-old!  

And so, the mere mention from my daughter of a “willy” in front of everyone at a preschool friend’s birthday party caused a strange and uncomfortable moment for my husband. 

“Oh, no, what did you say?” I asked him when he told me afterwards, aghast that her toilet talk went public and in front of parents I am just beginning to get to know and build friendships with.   

“I said: ‘We don’t like toilet talk here at the party’ to her. And then I said to the parents: ‘Well, we are a naked house, so she’s very aware of body parts,”. 

I laughed so hard, imagining what a naked house would look like… I started picturing us as older hippie-versions of ourselves, walking around our house all day without clothes on! Washing up, watching TV, doing the laundry all in the nude… It wasn’t a particularly attractive image, especially in winter!   

“I meant by that we have the door open when we shower and get changed in front of the kids if they happen to be in the room,” clarified my husband. This is true, we do have an “open-door” policy in our house, only because the kids keep opening them whenever I need some privacy! 

I only wish he had explained what his definition of a “naked house” was with the other parents! And another disclaimer, I really love the name William and apologise in advance to all future Williams that my daughter will meet, that is until her toilet talk phase is over!    

 

  

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Kate Meikle
Kate Meikle is a staff reporter for "CityNews"

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