To quote American journalist Ambrose Bierce: “A Scotsman is a man who, before sending his pyjamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.” Whimsy columnist CLIVE WILLIAMS wonders why Scottish people are renowned for their frugalness. 

The reputation of Scottish people for frugality has historical and cultural roots. When you grow up with limited resources, you tend to be careful with what you have. 

In the 1700s there was a financial crisis that bankrupted the nation. This was due to the foolishness of the Scottish nobility in trying to emulate other successful colonial exploitations – by development of a colonial outpost in Panama. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t work out and left the wealthy Scottish landowners in extreme financial difficulty. The only sensible financial option for them was union with prosperous England.

Historically, the Church of Scotland has also encouraged frugality and its kirk sessions throughout Scotland have exerted a powerful moderating influence on many rural communities. A kirk session is the lowest court in the Church of Scotland, comprising the minister and elders of an individual parish or congregation.

However, when there is fundraising in a good cause, Scots can be very generous. When

Aberdeen hospital started a fundraising drive for advanced medical equipment, it soon raised enough money to have the first MRI scanner in Great Britain. The fundraising was so successful that enough money was raised to buy a second machine for another city as well.

Scots have always had a well-deserved reputation for engineering excellence and being hard-headed in business. 

The 19th century Scots merchant William Jardine, of Jardine Matheson fame, was perhaps the archetypal Scottish businessman – he lobbied the British government of the day to fight the first Opium War, so that Jardine Matheson could access and exploit China.

However, it’s the thrifty aspect that is usually the subject of humorous anecdotes:

ONE day, Angus goes down to London to visit his friend Nigel. Nigel tries to show him around, but Angus is shocked at how expensive everything is. 

Angus becomes increasingly withdrawn because he just doesn’t want to do anything because he thinks everything costs too much in London.

Eventually Nigel says to him: “Tell you what – we don’t have to do anything fancy, but let’s just go out and have a few drinks this evening.”

“No, I can’t do that,” replies Angus. “The pints are just too expensive. I can’t afford it.” 

“Look, I know it seems like that, but I know a really good pub,” says Nigel encouragingly. “For twenty quid they’ll give you five pints, a hot pie and the barmaid will seduce you.” 

“Really…?” says Angus, suddenly interested. “What kind of pie?”

A SERGEANT major of the Black Watch goes into a pharmacist to see if he can get a condom repaired. The pharmacist explains that they’ve never before been asked to repair one and offers him a new one for 25 pence.

The sergeant major presses the matter and after a bit of head scratching the pharmacist concedes that it could be repaired for 18 pence. 

Even so, the sergeant major says he’d like a second opinion. He returns a few days later saying: “The regiment has agreed to have it repaired.”

Jock visits the dentist and asks: “What would you charge to remove a tooth?” The dentist replies “25 pounds.” 

“Why so expensive?” 

“It’s because of the cost of the anaesthetic.” 

“What if you only used half as much then?” 

“Well, I suppose I could do it for 15.” 

“What about no anaesthetic at all?” 

The dentist looks surprised and says, “It’d be painful so I wouldn’t recommend it.” 

“Go on, tell me how much?” 

“Well, I suppose in that case I could do it for five pounds.” 

Jock looks pleased: “You’ve got yourself a deal. Book my wife in for your first available appointment.”

Clive Williams is a Canberra columnist