“I wanted to give a little shout out to those who toil away being someone they’re not – for the good of other people or at least because they think it’s the right thing to do. Unselfishness in any disguise has a worth to uncover and salute.” ANTONIO DI DIO continues his Short History of Kindness series.

Can you make the world better while not being true to yourself? Well, yes, for a while. Perhaps for years.

Cognitive dissonance is a strange thing that happens to many of us – a good and kind person works as an attendant in a horrific enterprise where evil is perpetrated upon innocent people.

Ultimately that person gets harmed because their values are so diametrically opposed to what they do every day. 

But think perhaps of some other examples with people who are not really being true to themselves and still do a great deal of good in the world. What about the priest who has lost her faith, but after much thought decides to keep doing her job as she considers that she is doing so much more good in this role than bad.

Perhaps the nurse who is crushed with burnout and has no compassion left and wants to scream whenever a patient sees her, but still sees them – heals their wounds and salves their pain and listens and listens.

Both of these women would do great things and help their communities for years. 

Eventually, of course the priest might be crushed by her guilt at her lack of authenticity. And the nurse will become angry, cynical and run out of empathy or kindness. Both of them will be far less skilled and useful at their respective jobs.

Anyway, it made me want to salute that priest and that nurse, continually trying their best when it might’ve been easier for them to say: “I’ll be true to myself” and walk away from the responsibilities that they saw they had.

We spend a lot of time celebrating and discussing the people whose journeys involved being true to their own human needs. 

This is completely necessary and must continue, for decades at least, hopefully forever. Or at least until every single different, diverse, anxious, scared and lonely square peg of a human living in a round hole of a world feels loved and respected for who they are.

But I just wanted to give a little shout out to those who toil away being someone they’re not – for the good of other people or at least because they think it’s the right thing to do. Unselfishness in any disguise has a worth to uncover and salute.

Years ago I saw a GP who was working late – he was obviously exhausted and grumpy and did not want to be there and I suspect he had felt that way for years.

But he fixed my broken bone beautifully and despite the completely empty bucket of compassion left within him through overwork and not enough breaks (as it were!) – a bucket his community had unconsciously spent decades drawing from and not letting him refill – he still had plenty enough kindness to give me a smile.

He made the world better by being there and doing what he did. And not by pursuing his bliss – whatever that may have been.

I don’t know the right answer. I recall promising I’d never become like that and, of course, I became something much worse. Hopefully, not for too long. 

We celebrate and assist everyone struggling to find themselves with compassion. Let’s shower them with our support. More than that, let’s create a society like the generation of 20-somethings I love listening to, whose world view does not need an effort at patronising and kindness – it is assumed and entrenched in a way that makes me more optimistic about the planet than I’ve ever been.

But in parallel with that, let’s also thank those who, for whatever reason, cannot reveal that all they want to do is play the clarinet, build candle holders, wax surfboards or write poems, but feel that they have other responsibilities and plug away.

Those Billy Joel real estate novelists, the lawyer dancers, the travel agents trapped inside an electrician and the sculptors living hidden inside our accountant; those who know what they want but do not pursue it because the kids need new shoes or 1000 other reasons. 

Being yourself is living one of your selves, but there are others – and if you’re living one of those for whatever reason, respect. I wish you nothing but love and luck.

I’m still thinking about that career as a piano player on the Ray Martin Show – hope I haven’t left my run too late!

Antonio Di Dio is a local GP, medical leader and nerd. There is more of his Kindness on citynews.com.au

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