Macklin / Beware of blokes with bad haircuts

Share Canberra's trusted news:

THINGS have come to a pretty pass when war is in the tiny hands of the two blokes with the worst haircuts on the planet.

Robert Macklin
Robert Macklin.

The awfulness of Kim Jong-Un’s top-knot topiary is exceeded only by the cascading orange swirl of Donald J. Trump’s crowning grotesquery.

Yet these two clowns have their little digits on the buttons that could unleash a nuclear holocaust on the Korean Peninsula and perhaps even the Japanese archipelago.

What is the world coming to?

But wait… when you think of it, we really shouldn’t be surprised. Those bad haircuts should have set the alarm bells ringing months ago. All we needed was a quick glance at history to realise that their forested and flaming follicles were the perfect indicators of their pugnacious propensities.

Take Hitler. If ever there was a bad-hair template for bellicosity it was Adolf’s greasy cowlick and the nosey moustache beneath. Same with Joe Stalin who doubled down on the moustache and glowered beneath a thatch so thick it probably housed the Georgian rats he grew up with.

Or take Kaiser Bill. His haircut was so horrible he hid it beneath a tin hat with an eagle on top and a curling waxed special on the upper lip.

In fact, the hairy horrors go all the way back to Egypt’s all-conquering pharaoh Thutmose III, who hid his mullet beneath a funny scarf but whose beard grew like a carrot, right out of the end of his chinny chin chin.

Alexander the Great was another giveaway. His mother wouldn’t let him cut his hair at all, so by the time he was 21 he’d conquered half the known world – auburn locks flying – in a vain attempt to prove his manhood.

And, of course, Genghis Khan was so hairy that in the few images that survive it’s impossible to discover where his hair ends and the brown bear on his head begins. But down below that little chin, his beard is a thing of Mongolian monstrosity.

And just in case you think we’re being one-sided, consider the more follically blessed of our great leaders. Take John F Kennedy of the perfect pelt, for instance: no wonder he stayed so cool in that Cuban missile crisis. His own fingers were safely tucked away in the pockets of his Brooks Brothers britches. He’d taken one look at naughty Nikita Khrushchev and grinned to himself. Bald as a badger! Ho, ho, ho…putty in his hands.

Who Can You Trust?

In a world beleaguered by spin and confused messages, there's never been more need for diverse, trustworthy, independent journalism in Canberra.

Who can you trust? Well, for more than 25 years, "CityNews" has proudly been an independent, free, family-owned news magazine, serving the national capital with quality, integrity and authority. Through our weekly magazine and daily through our digital platforms, we constantly and reliably deliver high-quality and diverse opinion, news, arts, socials and lifestyle columns.

If you trust our work online and believe in the power of independent voices, I encourage you to make a small contribution.

Every dollar of support will be invested back into our journalism so we can continue to provide a valuably different view of what's happening around you and keep free.

Click here to make your donation and you will be supporting the future of journalism and media diversity in the ACT.

Thank you,

Ian Meikle, editor

Previous articleWine / Oh, that first time, seeing who you are
Next articleHealthy Eating / Help the immune system fight colds and flu
Robert Macklin
Journalist and author. Contact

Leave a Reply