“OBSESSED” Goulburn life coach Jaemin Frazer has spent a decade researching how people can overcome insecurity, and found that it takes seven practices.
The “very secure” 41-year-old (he lives by what he teaches) describes these in “Unhindered: The Seven Essential Practices for Overcoming Insecurity”, a book he is offering for free.
Calling himself “the insecurity guy”, Jaemin’s whole life has been getting better at having conversations with people to find where their insecurity problems exist.
“I am desperate to facilitate lasting change and genuine transformation and insecurity is underneath the dysfunction every time,” he says.
“When I dive deep it’s always these limiting beliefs and they’re always self-limiting beliefs.”
The dad of two teenagers (a boy, 14, and girl, 16) decided to solely focus on insecurity more than two years ago, saying he wanted to brand it “The Insecurity Project”.
While the branding wasn’t exactly a hit with his business coach – “people are insecure about being insecure” – Jaemin persevered with it, saying he couldn’t hold something back that’s “effective and useful in an area that people suffer greatly”.
“I’d already built the model [and was] using the model in my coaching work,” he says.
His move into coaching about 10 years ago saw Jaemin have to overcome insecurity himself. The former school captain (both primary and high school), “goody two-shoes” had always been a leader.
He had a 10-year career as a church pastor before becoming a school chaplain, all the while building on life-coaching skills along the way.
“I was unaware that I was insecure and it really showed up when I went to write my first book,” he says.
“I decided that I was going to be a coach because it was so compelling and exciting even though no one in my world thought it was a good idea.
“Then, when I went to write my first book, I wrote the first chapter in one night and then I shut the lid of my laptop and all that passionate energy and excitement turned into fear and dread.
“Writing is particularly difficult for me. I don’t think I have a natural affinity for writing.”
Jaemin found himself standing on top of a “mountain of insecurity” and he decided not to run away from it.
“My life’s work has not been to work out a solution but to deconstruct a solution,” he says.
“Plenty of people have already worked out how to not be insecure and my job was to notice what they did differently than everyone else and in every case seven practices showed up, whether they were aware of it or not.
“All I’ve done is made that explicit, put it in one place, explain it as clearly as possible and then go and road test it endlessly to make sure it works.”
The seven practices in the book are listed as “step into the light”, “100 per cent responsibility”, “stack the pain”, “develop a compelling life vision”, “get help from someone who doesn’t care”, “be the hero” and “rewrite the story”, but Jaemin says practice one – “step into the light” – is the way in.
“If you don’t get practice one right, you may as well go home,” he says.
“Practice one is about accurately understanding what the problem is.
“When you realise that the deepest level of fear is not failure or rejection, it’s the personal implication of those things, you’re into some meaningful work.”
Since overcoming insecurity himself, Jaemin has gone on to publish four books. His most recent is a coffee table-style book titled “The One Minute Coach: 365 thought provoking insights to start your day”, which came out in December.
Jaemin describes it as the same kind of content as “Unhindered” but it’s broken up into smaller, easier to digest pieces.
Now, still living in Goulburn on a 20 acre farm with horses and cows, five minutes from the town centre, Jaemin, a passionate runner, drummer, reader, cyclist and golfer, is working on his fifth book, “Leverage: How to change the people you love”.
“People go ‘hang on a minute, you’re not supposed to change the people you love’ but you have to,” he says.
“Sure, you’re not supposed to make them something they’re not, but you are supposed to change each other in other ways and bring out the best in each other.”
So Jaemin says he’ll keep working on that book, but in the meantime is living life exactly how he wants to.
“I’m where I want to be, living the life that I want, with the people that I want, in the relationships that I want, doing the work that I want,” he says.
But his ultimate goal?
“In 50 years my goal is for insecurity to be something we don’t even think about because it’s so natural and easy to fix,” he says.
“Unhindered”, free (except for shipping costs), via unhinderedbook.com