“Herself” (MA) *** and a half

DOMESTIC violence. Nasty behaviour. How about making a movie about it? Not so brutal as to be sickening. Not even as a polemic. But gutsy enough to be worthwhile for the audience.

Who’s to make it? How about Phyllida Lloyd to direct? Why not? Okay. Who to write it? Clare Dunne might have a go, with Malcolm Campbell to help. Okay. And Clare’s an actress. She could play domestic violence victim Sandra.

Where will we set it? Why not Dublin? Yep. Lots of talented Irish performers to cast in it. 

What about good bits? Let’s give Sandra two small daughters. She can brief the elder about what to do if Sandra’s husband Gary (Ian Lloyd Anderson) gives her a beating. The younger can watch the beating from hiding. Both those kids need to be credible actors.

Does Gary have a reason for beating Sandra? No. He just does it then makes up a reason if anybody asks.

Who will help Sandra when the beating’s over? Harriet Walter would be good as Dr Peggy who employed Sandra’s late mother as a cleaner. Dr Peggy has a block of land where Sandra could build herself a little house when Sandra decides that sleeping rough has to stop. There’s this actor Conleth Hill, never been in a movie before, who could play the civil engineer who’ll guide Sandra when she decides that she’s going to build it herself.

Any really nasty bits to give the movie some bite? You bet there is. Let’s throw a spanner in the works when the team is partying in Peggy’s house to celebrate finishing Sandra’s house. What’s the worst thing that can happen to a new timber building? 

Righto, we’ve worked out what the movie’s going to be about and how to make it happen. Let’s get on with making it.

At Dendy and Palace Electric