In time for Christmas – here are some exclusive extracts from KEEPING UP THE ACT’s “The Canberra Wronglish Dictionary”, a new, nation-leading way of making sense of the ACT government.

Announcamacallit /əˈnaʊns-ə-mɑː-kɔːl-ɪt/ n. 1. A public announcement made by the ACT government that promises vague action but contains no specifics and is forgotten about within a week. 

The Chief Minister made an important announcamacallit today about building a new stadium somewhere in Canberra, at some time in the future, for some unspecified cost. 

Barrgument /bɑːɡjəmənt/ n. 1. A reason given to support a matter that only makes sense to Andrew Barr. v. to Barrgue

The Chief Minister barrgued that wasteful spending and racking up debt was going to result in a massive budget surplus next year. 

Cambnesia /kæm nesia/ n. 1. A Canberran form of amnesia experienced by rusted-on Labor and Greens voters to the many failings of the ACT government. 

You must be suffering from Cambnesia if you think these guys have done a good job! 

CFMEU Secure Local Jobs Code /siː-ɛf-ɛm-iː-juː ˌmɛməˈrændəm ɒv ˌʌndəˈstændɪŋ/ n. 1. A nod and a wink between the government and da boyz to fleece businesses and ACT taxpayers. Used to occur behind closed doors with brown paper bags and knuckle dusters. Also known as The Mates Code. 2. An agreement considered inappropriate in all other jurisdictions. 3. Nothing to see here. Move along people. 

Complainted /kɒm pleɪn tɛd/ adj. 1. The high level of complaints that indicate that an ACT government project has been completed. 

Chris Steel announced that, after three years of on-and-off construction, the shoddy new playground, without toilets or taps, was finally complainted. 

Dutt-in /dʌt ɪn/ v. 1. To clumsily interfere in Australian Capital Territory affairs. 

The Opposition Leader tried to dutt-in to overturn the ACT’s drug laws. 

See also Cash-grab and the phrase, the dogs bark, but the Canavan rolls on.

Gentle Urbanism /ˈʤɛntᵊl ɜːˈbeɪnɪzᵊm/ n. 1. An imaginary form of housing that is neither gentle nor urbane. 2. An architectural form of religious fervour favoured by those who have drunk the Kool-Aid. 3. The basis for a teary country song about regret amidst urban decay. See Gentle on My Mind by Glen Campbell. 

Keep-Cup Dictator /kiːp kʌp dɪkˈteɪtə/ n. 1. A progressive autocratic-ruler who has delusions of grandeur and little political credibility. Similar to tin-pot dictators but involving rainbow roundabouts and compulsive take-overs of religious institutions. 

Missing Middle /ˈmɪsɪŋ ˈmɪdᵊl / n. 1. The raising of the middle finger by the Chief Minister to anyone in Canberra looking to buy or rent an affordable home. 

Smugervescence /smʌɡ eə vess sance/ n. 1. The showy expression of satisfaction that ACT government officials have in their achievements. 2. To intrinsically know that you are right about everything and to never question yourself or take advice from others. 3. A form of self-delusion and communal narcissism.

Rachel Stephen-Smith had a supreme sense of smugervescence that she was doing a great job making ACT health care the best in the country! 

Stubbornment /stʌbən ment/ n. 1. The unique form of government that operates in the ACT. 2. The semblance of an organised institution that stubbornly pursues ideological causes instead of doing its day job of running a half-decent council. 3. A government that won’t be told what to do by experts, citizens or anyone. 

Tram /træm/ n. 1. A shiny red thing that Shane has really, really wanted since he was a kid, but Santa never gave him. 2. A colossal drain on all ACT government money. The origin of the term ‘in the red’. 3. A mythical form of transport to Woden, Tuggeranong and Belconnen. -v. 4. The dysfunctional diversion of bus services to make it look like all of Canberra is enthusiastically using the tram. v. to tram. 

The ACT bus network is so crap these days because everything is being deliberately trammed by the government. 

Trammany Hall /træm ˈmɛni hɔːl/ n. 1. The ACT Legislative Assembly. 2. A cosy ACT political assemblage exercising municipal political control by methods of absolutism. 3. A shady political structure designed to divert all council resources to a red choo-choo tram. See also Tramalot. 

Zed /zɛd/ idiom 1. An exclamation that invokes violent reactions from ACT citizens. 2. Based on a mythical scapegoat for everything that has gone wrong in the ACT 3. Also regarded as a sexy bad-boy by older right-wingers with pocket squares. See Sky News.

Holy Zed, that was terrible!