Tongue firmly in cheek, columnist HUGH SELBY ponders the political and legal downsides of life in the court of Emperor Donnie I.

Given that we learned in 2021 that the likely-to-be-re-elected president was keeping classified documents here and there in his Florida Estate home, it should come as no surprise that a poorly drafted, badly edited memorandum of intentions is freely circulating.

Security is not his strong point and the loyalty of his coat-tailers is unpredictable.

As is to be expected, the authenticity of these jottings has been strenuously denied (as has been the case with pretty much any and all alleged misfeasance and malfeasance); however, looking back at the last dozen or so years it seems to fit well with everything we know about him and his close supporters.

In preparation for the inauguration of the Emperor-elect Donnie I the following steps are to be taken:

• President Putin is to be asked to have a giant statue of the emperor in white marble ready for the inauguration. The statue is to replace that of folksy old Lincoln the Republican in Washington DC;
• The two houses of Congress are to impeach and remove the three Democrat-appointed Associate Justices on the Supreme Court as being persons incapable of interpreting the Constitution of the Unified States of America;
• All Democrat appointed judges to any Federal Court are to be suspended from office indefinitely as and from inauguration day. Listing judges are to ensure that part heard cases are minimised. To encourage early resignations any serving judge may apply before Christmas for the retirement annuity as if they had completed the prior required years of service and reached the vesting age;
• Republican State offices are to provide lists of Donniephile-approved candidates for appointment to Federal Courts vacancies. Only those who swear to support deportation and compulsory acquisition of property and assets from deportees are eligible.

To fulfil the commitments made to the people in the many public gatherings at which the Emperor Elect was applauded by his devoted followers the highest priority will be given to three campaigns.

First, plans will be implemented to begin the mass deportation of criminals, aka illegals, up to 21 million of them, drawn from 181 countries, who – If they walk into an American’s kitchen will cut their throat. 

The estimates are that it will require up to 400,000 good Americans to be employed to manage this deportation program. Naturally, every one of them will have to be vetted to ensure that they are loyal Donniephiles. 

Reminiscent of Europe before and during World War II, as the illegals and undesirables are deported and their homes vacated, Donniephiles will be moved into the vacated homes, thereby easing the housing shortage.

Second, the campaign to detain and re-educate “the cheaters” in purpose-built camps will roll out no later than mid-2025. Who are these cheaters? All registered Democrat voters are cheaters because they denied the emperor victory in 2020 and they were determined to do it again in 2024.

The third signature policy of the new imperial regime will be the big-ticket federal construction projects. These are to complete the wall (something more than a fence) between the US and Mexico, the re-opening of Guantanamo Bay as the new home of detained, “well-known” opponents of the Empire (such as the past and present hosts of TV comment and satire programs that dared to criticise), the building of mass-detention camps in states that voted for Donnie but have high unemployment, and the co-operation of allies, such as Australia, to allow camps holding undesirables who are US citizens to be built and operated on their soil.

Some of these plans implement the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 ideals as can be seen from the Foundation’s website: “Project 2025 is a historic movement, brought together by over 100 organisations from across the conservative movement, to take down the Deep State and return the government to the people. Its Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise… is a product of more than 400 scholars and policy experts… It offers… policy suggestions to… put America back on track, including (as examples):

• Secure the border, finish building the wall, and deport illegal aliens;
• De-weaponise the Federal Government by increasing accountability and oversight of the FBI and Department of Justice;
• Cut the growth of government spending to reduce inflation; and,
• Make federal bureaucrats more accountable to the… President and Congress.”

Rumours that family planning and pregnancy termination services are to be burnt to the ground and that the distribution of materials on those topics be banned are not supported by these jottings. There is nothing on those topics.

There is an intriguing comment that the mass media will be keen to advertise Empire policies, especially as there will be no presidential election advertising in 2028. Why? An emperor does not stand for re-election.

There is a handwritten annotation that the party will have to change its name from Republican, because that sits oddly with the new Empire.

They will need a new system of imperial honours and awards. What honour will be bestowed upon our legendary former Australian Rupert Murdoch? They had better be quick.

Hugh Selby, a former barrister, is the CityNews legal affairs commentator. His free podcasts on “Witness Essentials” and “Advocacy in court: preparation and performance” can be heard on the best known podcast sites.

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